idano Blog Network

So I got my date for surgery yesterday – Monday June 7th. Yes, that is this Monday. This was a little sooner then I anticipated but at least I will get it done and out of the way.

The Good News

The good news about it is that I will only be in the hospital for a week as opposed to the 2 weeks I thought I was going to be. When I leave the hospital I will be eating again, walking, showering etc. It should be about a week after that when I should be able to return to semi-normal life.

The Not So Good News

The not so good news is that because they are making in incision in my side that I am going to be sore for several weeks after the surgery and the range of motion in my arms is going to be limited. Due to this I will not be able to drive for about 3 weeks after I get out of the hospital. I can go places, I just can’t drive.

My Outlook

I am good spirits but in a little bit of shock. I have a very vivid imagination so sitting in the surgeons office and having him explain what he was going to do to me was a little traumatic. I think I may have gone to my “happy place” a couple of times because I only remember bits and fragments of what the surgeon said.

I did ask him how this was going to compare to me going through chemo and radiation and he said this is nothing like that – it is much easier. That helped me a lot since I know what that felt like. If I could go through that I can go through anything.

Prayer for My Wife

While I am on the subject of surgery I would appreciate your thoughts and prayers for my wife as well. She has been doing great with everything that has been going on with me but is going to be having surgery herself as well. Her surgery is on her eye and it is the day after my surgery. I think she will only be out of commission the day of surgery and maybe part of the next day. It is kind of a lot in a small time frame for both of us but I am confident we will both make it through just fine.

Finally, Thanks

I just want to give a great big thanks to everyone that has reached out to us to help with this latest round of treatment. You all are making a big difference in this going smoothly for our whole family. I look forward to being able to repay you generosity some day in the future.

Related posts:

1. Unfortunately I Still Have Cancer Yeah, I still have cancer. Although I had a clean...
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Yeah, I still have cancer.

Although I had a clean EDG and PET scan back in January I had new tests last week and they came back positive in the same place in my esophagus as as before. That means that the cancer was not gone in February , it was just hiding.

The Good News

The good news is that the cancer has not spread and that I am still a candidate for surgery which I am going to do. I have my consultation with the surgeon on Wednesday of next week and am hoping that I will have the surgery a week or two after that. From my research he is one of the best surgeons in the area for what I need so I will be in good hands.

If I remember correctly I should be in the hospital for two weeks recovering. I am figuring it will be 2-4 weeks after that when I should be able to return to normal life. We will just have to see. The other good news is that my cancer doc says that if the surgery goes the way that it is supposed to then I should not need any further treatment which is great. The other bennefit of the surgery will be that I will have a smaller stomach and thus will be a lite eater from here on out. That means that I should enjoy my 150lbs 30 inch waist for the rest of my life .

To be honest this is not the direction that I wanted to go down but when you have a major surgery in one hand and not living much longer in the other surgery is very attractive. I would appreciate your prayer during this time for our family that the surgery goes well.

Related posts:

1. The Next Steps – Where Do We Go From Here? As mentioned on my Twitter updates last week we had...
2. My Official Treatment Plan and Start Date So I just got the final word on the what...
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Previous Post in this Series: Treatment – Lots of Radiation
Or Start at the beginning: Having Cancer as a Christian

Around the second week after receiving chemo I started to go to one-on-one counseling at my church. The reason for going to counseling was to deal with the fear and emotions that I was experiencing while going through treatment. I had looked into some other secular counseling options but I felt I really need my counselor to have a Christian perspective. The reason for this was that I was really believing that it was God ultimately that was going to get me through this. Unfortunately some of the websites that I had visited out there were too accepting of the negative outcomes of battling cancer. I needed someone who would ask me the hard questions about my beliefs and help me deal with my weaknesses.

I got that person.

The interesting part (to me anyway) was that while we did talk about the cancer we talked about a lot of non-cancer things as well. We talked about my life growing up and my interactions with my parents, other family members, and friends. My counselor challenged me on a spiritual level but also on a relational level as well. My counselor had a good balance of psychology and spirituality.

It was during our sessions that I explained that I had interacted with the Lord about my healing and that I had questioned Him about why he did not heal my right then and there. I told them that I had felt God had told me that he was going to heal not only my body but my mind and spirit as well. My counselor was very happy that I had this interaction with God and that I should keep seeking Him which I did.As the weeks and sessions went on I began to feel better both physically and spiritually. During that time God did some amazing things in my life in regard to healing my heart in some areas with my family and also in the area of finances. I was really happy that I was making progress.

As I began to get to the tail end of my treatment I started to feel in my heart that surgery was possibly not the best idea. I struggled with this because I had promised God that I would do whatever it took in order to get past the cancer and now it seemed that I wanted to back out of a part of it. I asked my counselor whether they thought that I would not be living up to my part by not having the surgery. They said that although I had made a pledge to God that He was merciful and it was possible that He could make it to where I would not need surgery.

It was weird because I knew of God’s mercy and had experienced it at different levels before but this time around it seemed so much more serious. For me it practically was a life and death decision. I spent a lot of time in prayer, not to try and convince God but see what it was that He thought was best. The more I prayed the more I felt that surgery was not the thing to do. I prayed for God’s will to be done and that he guide and direct me, my wife, and the doctors. I put everything into God’s hands and waited to see the results.

Next Post in this Series: Treatment – The Last Week – Coming Soon!
Or Start at the beginning: Having Cancer as a Christian

Previous Post in this Series: Treatment – Lots of Radiation
Or Start at the beginning: Having Cancer as a Christian

Around the second week after receiving chemo I started to go to one-on-one counseling at my church. The reason for going to counseling was to deal with the fear and emotions that I was experiencing while going through treatment. I had looked into some other secular counseling options but I felt I really need my counselor to have a Christian perspective. The reason for this was that I was really believing that it was God ultimately that was going to get me through this. Unfortunately some of the websites that I had visited out there were too accepting of the negative outcomes of battling cancer. I needed someone who would ask me the hard questions about my beliefs and help me deal with my weaknesses.

I got that person.

The interesting part (to me anyway) was that while we did talk about the cancer we talked about a lot of non-cancer things as well. We talked about my life growing up and my interactions with my parents, other family members, and friends. My counselor challenged me on a spiritual level but also on a relational level as well. My counselor had a good balance of psychology and spirituality.

It was during our sessions that I explained that I had interacted with the Lord about my healing and that I had questioned Him about why he did not heal my right then and there. I told them that I had felt God had told me that he was going to heal not only my body but my mind and spirit as well. My counselor was very happy that I had this interaction with God and that I should keep seeking Him which I did.As the weeks and sessions went on I began to feel better both physically and spiritually. During that time God did some amazing things in my life in regard to healing my heart in some areas with my family and also in the area of finances. I was really happy that I was making progress.

As I began to get to the tail end of my treatment I started to feel in my heart that surgery was possibly not the best idea. I struggled with this because I had promised God that I would do whatever it took in order to get past the cancer and now it seemed that I wanted to back out of a part of it. I asked my counselor whether they thought that I would not be living up to my part by not having the surgery. They said that although I had made a pledge to God that He was merciful and it was possible that He could make it to where I would not need surgery.

It was weird because I knew of God’s mercy and had experienced it at different levels before but this time around it seemed so much more serious. For me it practically was a life and death decision. I spent a lot of time in prayer, not to try and convince God but see what it was that He thought was best. The more I prayed the more I felt that surgery was not the thing to do. I prayed for God’s will to be done and that he guide and direct me, my wife, and the doctors. I put everything into God’s hands and waited to see the results.

Next Post in this Series: Treatment – The Last Week – Coming Soon!
Or Start at the beginning: Having Cancer as a Christian

As mentioned in my post on Friday it has been confirmed that I have celiac disease. The weird part about celiac disease is that it is more of an allergy then anything else. I guess they may call it a disease because there is no cure for it. There is a treatment though and that is a gluten free diet.

When I was at my appointment with my GI doctor on Friday I asked him if my esophageal cancer could have been related to my celiac disease. At the time he said no. But, later that afternoon he called me to say that he could be wrong. After I had left my appointment he was so perplexed about my case that he started doing research. In his research he found a study in Europe that did link Celiac disease to possible esophageal cancer.

Needless to say that motivated me to look into this gluten free diet a little more.

My First Day as Gluten Free

My first day of my gluten free world was the next day – Saturday. It started out terrible.

I went downstairs to eat breakfast and realized that I could not have any of the 5 different types of cereal when had in the house since they all had wheat in them. I proceeded to cook (let’s say try) some hash browns and sausage – they were terrible because I am not the best cook.

From there we were out all day doing things with the kids. The only things I found during the day that I could eat was some popcorn and Cool Ranch Doritos. By 5pm I was hungry and hating life. This gluten free thing sucked!

I decided that there had to be food out there somewhere for me to eat so I turned to Google. A few short searches later and a visit to some of my favorite restaurant’s websites my sanity was restored. Chili’s, Pei Wei, Chipotle, and Freebirds all had gluten free menus. I opted for Chili’s and gorged my self with a strawberry lemonade and their Margarita Chicken (without the tortilla strips). The best thing about this is that I usually got the Margarita Chicken at Chili’s anyway.

After I ate I went to the grocery store and spent some time reading labels and ended up with: Read more...

I just got done with my visit with my new GI doctor. I felt that the visit went really well.

This is what he said about:

Cancer Stuff

• He is perplexed how someone my age could get the cancer that I got. At first he thought I was 43 and was blown away even more when I said I was 34.
• He really doesn’t know if it was GERD that caused it or not.
• He said cancer can spring up anywhere anytime in anyone.
• It is normal to assume that GERD is a precureser to cancer but maybe not in my case.
• He thought it was a bold move not to do surgery.
• Her agreed that surgery was major and that I would permanent side effects from it.
• Other then the two points above about surgery we didn’t talk too much about it.

GERD Medication

• He thought it was really weird that I had the side effects from Prilosec and the other medications in that class.
• I asked if I should be taking the current medication I am taking and he said sure but he does not know if it will help.
• He is not even sure that I need to take anything but try it and we will see the results
• I told him about what DR Godel said about the current medication and my body getting used to it where it would be ineffective. He said that does happen some times but we would have to see in my case.

Ciliac Disease

• Yep, I have silent Ciliac (not latent like I thought)
• Should I go on a Gluten Free Diet? Yes, it would be a good idea.
• He said it is a good idea because you generally do not want parts of your body to be irritated on a regular basis the way that my upper bowl is.
• Could I not go a Gluten Free diet? Yes, but there are the risks associated with that. He too said that while cancer in the bowl is a risk that he has never seen it before.
• I asked him about how strict you have to be – in another words if I accidentally have something with Gluten is it going to set me back to square one – He said no – the gluten irritation would be in proportion to the amount of gluten I have – it is not an all or nothing thing. If I wanted to have something with Gluten here and there that would be OK.
• He said that he would like to see me go on the Gluten free diet to so we can see what a healthy upper bowl looks like at my next EDG.

Another EDG

• He thought having one in August was a good idea and every 6 months from there in out
• I asked if he thought we should have on sooner. He said no. There are no symptoms or any reason to warrant that.

My Take

I like the doctor. Honestly I am not sure if he told me anything different but he did communicate it differently. He said that he could NOT put me in a box and say “this” happened because of “that”. I really liked that because I felt my previous doctor was putting me in that box. He did not have answers for me which in a weird way comforted me. To me that means that he is really looking at all my stuff and seeing that it really does not add up like it does for most people.

I told him about my dry throat and what the ENT doctor said – treatment related. He said that when a person has cancer and then treatment that the natural DR response to anything after the treatment is that it is “Cancer or Treatment” related. He said that he couldn’t do that in my case because everything else was so weird in my case (cancer at my age, no GERD, my recovery, etc). He said my case is so unique that we just have to see what works for me and what doesn’t.

I feel better about going Gluten free after talking with him. I am interested now about seeing how things look at the next EDG in August. Starting now I will stay away from bread products and when I get the chance I will try to look at so books about Gluten free. For whatever reason it does not seem as hard now as before. I think that may be in part because you do not have to be so strict. If you happen to have some Gluten then it is not the end of the world.

I will take the acid reflux medication I have now everyday.

From here I think I just need to do what I know is right – take my medication, eat at regular times, try the best I can to Gluten free, and don’t get stressed out. In August I will get the EDG and the PET and see where we are at. My prayer and expectation is that things look even better then compared to my last tests. If anything comes up between now I will go to the doctor if it is necessary.

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Yesterday I had the opportunity to visit a very good friend of mine. This friend was diagnosed with cancer a month after I was. He went through treatment similar to me – chemotherapy but no radiation. The unfortunate part is that the cancer did not respond to the chemo he received, it got worse.

The day before I went to see my friend he was given the news that cancer had spread and now there was nothing that they could do for him. That is a devastating thing to be told. The doctor said that they could make him comfortable for the rest of his time. Tragic.

When I heard this it threw me for a loop. He had been believing for healing and so was everyone else for him. It was not the news that anyone expected to hear.

When I went to see him yesterday I was already determined that I was going to pray for him. The focus of my prayer I felt was for wisdom and not necessarily healing. I didn’t quite understand why this was but that is what I knew I was going to pray for.

In the course of visiting with him he and I talked about several things. One of those things was what I went through in my treatment for cancer.In my treatment I had reached a point with one of my doctors where I felt that he was no longer effective in my treatment. That is not to say anything bad about him but I felt that I could be getting better information about my individual situation from a doctor who was more familiar with my type of cancer. I told him how I had then gone to another cancer doctor and had gotten better information which led to better treatment.

In telling him this story it dawned on me – his situation was not an end, it was just another chapter in his life, and not the last chapter.

As I brought this up to him I explained that maybe this doctor wasn’t too familiar with his type of cancer and so that was all that he could do for him. Maybe someone who was more familiar with my friends type of cancer could do more. He agreed.

As we talked about this I could see the difference in him as he went from despair to hope. The doctor had given up on him but God had not. I explained to my friend that it was up to him as to whether he was going to receive the word of the doctor and die or the word of God and live.

As the bible says:

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit. – Proverbs 18:21 NKJ

As far as God is considered it is up to my friend as to when he checks out of this life. If he wants to stay then God will give him everything that he needs in order to do so. I am happy to say that my friend agreed with me.

The rest of my time with him in the hospital we talked about different places that he had heard of that could possibly help him. We were also blessed to be able to talk about non-cancer items as well. In all we had a good time together.

When it was time for me to leave I told him how I had felt the need to pray for wisdom before I had come. In my prayer I prayed that God would direct him in this next chapter of his life. I prayed that God would direct him to the people that would know how to fix his situation. I also prayed that he would continue to choose life, and not death, and complete the purpose that God has for him in this life.

He agreed with me in those prayers and we both believe that they will come to pass. I can’t wait to see God do it.

Yesterday I had the opportunity to visit a very good friend of mine. This friend was diagnosed with cancer a month after I was. He went through treatment similar to me – chemotherapy but no radiation. The unfortunate part is that the cancer did not respond to the chemo he received, it got worse.

The day before I went to see my friend he was given the news that cancer had spread and now there was nothing that they could do for him. That is a devastating thing to be told. The doctor said that they could make him comfortable for the rest of his time. Tragic.

When I heard this it threw me for a loop. He had been believing for healing and so was everyone else for him. It was not the news that anyone expected to hear.

When I went to see him yesterday I was already determined that I was going to pray for him. The focus of my prayer I felt was for wisdom and not necessarily healing. I didn’t quite understand why this was but that is what I knew I was going to pray for.

In the course of visiting with him he and I talked about several things. One of those things was what I went through in my treatment for cancer.In my treatment I had reached a point with one of my doctors where I felt that he was no longer effective in my treatment. That is not to say anything bad about him but I felt that I could be getting better information about my individual situation from a doctor who was more familiar with my type of cancer. I told him how I had then gone to another cancer doctor and had gotten better information which led to better treatment.

In telling him this story it dawned on me – his situation was not an end, it was just another chapter in his life, and not the last chapter.

As I brought this up to him I explained that maybe this doctor wasn’t too familiar with his type of cancer and so that was all that he could do for him. Maybe someone who was more familiar with my friends type of cancer could do more. He agreed.

As we talked about this I could see the difference in him as he went from despair to hope. The doctor had given up on him but God had not. I explained to my friend that it was up to him as to whether he was going to receive the word of the doctor and die or the word of God and live.

As the bible says:

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit. – Proverbs 18:21 NKJ

As far as God is considered it is up to my friend as to when he checks out of this life. If he wants to stay then God will give him everything that he needs in order to do so. I am happy to say that my friend agreed with me.

The rest of my time with him in the hospital we talked about different places that he had heard of that could possibly help him. We were also blessed to be able to talk about non-cancer items as well. In all we had a good time together.

When it was time for me to leave I told him how I had felt the need to pray for wisdom before I had come. In my prayer I prayed that God would direct him in this next chapter of his life. I prayed that God would direct him to the people that would know how to fix his situation. I also prayed that he would continue to choose life, and not death, and complete the purpose that God has for him in this life.

He agreed with me in those prayers and we both believe that they will come to pass. I can’t wait to see God do it.

Now that the cancer thing is pretty much over and done with I get to visit other doctors about various other items.

One doctor I am waiting to see is a hearing doctor since I now have constant ringing in my ears. From what I have been told this is probably a side effect of the chemo drug Cisplatin . The good part about this is that during the day I don’t really hear it. It is only when things are quiet (which isn’t all that often). I don’t want to go deaf though so I am having it checked out.

The other doctor that I am visiting is the GI doctor. This is the guy that goes down your throat and up your backside to make sure things look good. I am glad I haven’t had the latter test yet . The reason I am seeing him is that is where the cancer was so we need to keep an eye on it.

One thing this doctor says I have is acid reflux and that is what probably caused the cancer. Fair enough, that makes sense other then the fact that I am no symptoms of acid reflux. No heart burn, no upset stomach, etc. Nothing. The only time I have any of these symptoms is when I take the medicine that he gave me for acid reflux – then I feel like I have it.

The other item that he says I have is ciliac disease. This is because although I did not have a positive biopsy for ciliac (it wasn’t positive but abnormal) my blood test shows elevated antibodies, etc, etc. The common side effects of ciliac disease are weight loss, malnutrition, anemia, etc to which I have none of these symptoms. The doctor says that I should go on a Gluten free diet which I am told is a pain in the arse.

If that wasn’t bad enough I am getting conflicting information from this doctor about the ciliac disease. He said my biopsy was not positive but the blood test was and this means Gluten free. But he handed me a packet about ciliac disease and it outlines a variation called latent ciliac disease. In latent ciliac disease the blood test is positive but biopsy is negative. The treatment for this –  do NOT do a gluten free diet. Weird.

The good news is that our insurance changed and this doctor does not take the new insurance. That means I will go see a new doctor and see what he has to say. In the mean time I will be eating as much gluten as possible since I may never be able to eat it again.

Anyone know where I can get a couple gallons of gluten?

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Previous Post in this Series: Treatment – The First Week
Or Start at the beginning: Having Cancer as a Christian

After getting my first week of chemo in the hospital they sent me home. The first day I did pretty good. It was the second day and beyond that I didn’t do too well.

The last dose of chemo they gave me while in the hospital was Cisplatin. From what I was told that chemo is pretty intense due to a lot of heavy metals in it. Adding to that was that they infused me for 8 hours straight with it. It was so intense in fact that I had special anti-nausea medication specifically for it. This medication was called Emend and basically turns off the communication between your stomach and your brain so your brain doesn’t tell your stomach to get sick. It worked.

That second day I am happy to say that I didn’t get nauseated. Again, I would like to be able to say that it was because of my great faith and grounding in the Word of God. But it wasn’t. The medication, the fact that I didn’t eat anything for 2 days, and other people’s prayers are what carried me through.

Although I didn’t get sick in my stomach I felt sick, and weak. That was the worst that I had ever felt in my life.

I cannot really explain the physical feeling that I had. I just didn’t feel good at all, and a lot. My energy was sapped and I didn’t want to do anything. In fact for the first week after getting out of the hospital the only time I ventured downstairs was to make the daily trip to radiation down in Austin. I usually slept during the 30 minute ride there and back.

It was during this period of my treatment that yet another battle popped up that had to be addressed – eating.

As mentioned before the doctor had a feeding tube put in my stomach. The reason for this was that I was losing weight because I wasn’t eating much. The doctor said that it would only get worse as they started to treat me. Eating was important because it was unhealthy to continually lose weight as fast as I was losing it. Also, the body needed food so it would have energy to fight against the cancer and the chemo/radiation damage. Finally you’ve got to eat because if you don’t you die. Unfortunately I have been told that a lot of cancer patients actually die of malnutrition which is very, very sad.

So my main battle during this time was with my body and the feeding tube.

The first issue was that my body did not want food. I have to tell you, it is the weirdest experience in the world to know you need to eat but your body does not want to. Then when you finally do get something in your body it rejects it and gets sick, really sick.

My first experience with this was what is called “dumping syndrome” . It basically went like this – I would have a can of adult formula and then about 20 minutes later I would have the immediate urge to use the restroom for #2. I would stay there until my body forced everything out of me that it could. During that time my temperature would rise significantly to the point that I would be covered with sweat and felt like I was going to pass out. Once that was done I would be completely drained of energy for several hours.

After 2-3 cans and this happening the first day I was completely defeated. My wife called the nutritionalist to ask why this was happening. She said that I would just need to get used to it.

That was not the right answer.

My wife at that point reached out for prayer from several sources and we sought out to find an answer ourselves.

At our next day of radiation we mentioned what was happening to the nurse there and he suggested a diabetic formula that didn’t have sugar. See along with all of those symptoms I would feel like I had OD’d on sugar as well. I wasn’t diabetic but for whatever reason my body did not like these sugary formulas that we were trying.

We tried the formula that he suggested and it worked – no side effects!

I would like to say that the battle ended there but it didn’t.

The continual battle was fighting with my body to want to eat. It did not want food. I don’t know why but it didn’t. I continued to lose weight.

Knowing this I was getting weighted once a week at radiation. Each time the staff would shake their finger at me and tell my wife with who I would also get in trouble. This happened until I reach 150lbs – my weight in high school. At that point they said that if I continued to lose weight that they would need to stop treatment and give me nutrition intravenously which was risky.

It was at that point that I had to buckle down and force my body to eat – which sounds weird.

I did this by distracting myself by watching videos on the internet while I did it. At first I watched the Daily Show with John Stewart but then settled into watching Greg Groeschel on lifechurch.tv. Watching these messages not only helped distract me but helped to increase my faith.

I began eating more and more through my tube and while I dipped a little under 150 I was able to get it back up to that and maintain it. I believe that it was deciding that I was going to do it no matter what and the strength that I received from listening to God’s Word every day 2-3 times. It is amazing the inner strength you receive when your mind is saturated with what God has to say.

Next Post in this Series: Counseling and the Question of Surgery – Coming Soon!
Or Start at the beginning: Having Cancer as a Christian

Previous Post in this Series: Treatment – The First Week
Or Start at the beginning: Having Cancer as a Christian

After getting my first week of chemo in the hospital they sent me home. The first day I did pretty good. It was the second day and beyond that I didn’t do too well.

The last dose of chemo they gave me while in the hospital was Cisplatin. From what I was told that chemo is pretty intense due to a lot of heavy metals in it. Adding to that was that they infused me for 8 hours straight with it. It was so intense in fact that I had special anti-nausea medication specifically for it. This medication was called Emend and basically turns off the communication between your stomach and your brain so your brain doesn’t tell your stomach to get sick. It worked.

That second day I am happy to say that I didn’t get nauseated. Again, I would like to be able to say that it was because of my great faith and grounding in the Word of God. But it wasn’t. The medication, the fact that I didn’t eat anything for 2 days, and other people’s prayers are what carried me through.

Although I didn’t get sick in my stomach I felt sick, and weak. That was the worst that I had ever felt in my life.

I cannot really explain the physical feeling that I had. I just didn’t feel good at all, and a lot. My energy was sapped and I didn’t want to do anything. In fact for the first week after getting out of the hospital the only time I ventured downstairs was to make the daily trip to radiation down in Austin. I usually slept during the 30 minute ride there and back.

It was during this period of my treatment that yet another battle popped up that had to be addressed – eating.

As mentioned before the doctor had a feeding tube put in my stomach. The reason for this was that I was losing weight because I wasn’t eating much. The doctor said that it would only get worse as they started to treat me. Eating was important because it was unhealthy to continually lose weight as fast as I was losing it. Also, the body needed food so it would have energy to fight against the cancer and the chemo/radiation damage. Finally you’ve got to eat because if you don’t you die. Unfortunately I have been told that a lot of cancer patients actually die of malnutrition which is very, very sad.

So my main battle during this time was with my body and the feeding tube.

The first issue was that my body did not want food. I have to tell you, it is the weirdest experience in the world to know you need to eat but your body does not want to. Then when you finally do get something in your body it rejects it and gets sick, really sick.

My first experience with this was what is called “dumping syndrome” . It basically went like this – I would have a can of adult formula and then about 20 minutes later I would have the immediate urge to use the restroom for #2. I would stay there until my body forced everything out of me that it could. During that time my temperature would rise significantly to the point that I would be covered with sweat and felt like I was going to pass out. Once that was done I would be completely drained of energy for several hours.

After 2-3 cans and this happening the first day I was completely defeated. My wife called the nutritionalist to ask why this was happening. She said that I would just need to get used to it.

That was not the right answer.

My wife at that point reached out for prayer from several sources and we sought out to find an answer ourselves.

At our next day of radiation we mentioned what was happening to the nurse there and he suggested a diabetic formula that didn’t have sugar. See along with all of those symptoms I would feel like I had OD’d on sugar as well. I wasn’t diabetic but for whatever reason my body did not like these sugary formulas that we were trying.

We tried the formula that he suggested and it worked – no side effects!

I would like to say that the battle ended there but it didn’t.

The continual battle was fighting with my body to want to eat. It did not want food. I don’t know why but it didn’t. I continued to lose weight.

Knowing this I was getting weighted once a week at radiation. Each time the staff would shake their finger at me and tell my wife with who I would also get in trouble. This happened until I reach 150lbs – my weight in high school. At that point they said that if I continued to lose weight that they would need to stop treatment and give me nutrition intravenously which was risky.

It was at that point that I had to buckle down and force my body to eat – which sounds weird.

I did this by distracting myself by watching videos on the internet while I did it. At first I watched the Daily Show with John Stewart but then settled into watching Greg Groeschel on lifechurch.tv. Watching these messages not only helped distract me but helped to increase my faith.

I began eating more and more through my tube and while I dipped a little under 150 I was able to get it back up to that and maintain it. I believe that it was deciding that I was going to do it no matter what and the strength that I received from listening to God’s Word every day 2-3 times. It is amazing the inner strength you receive when your mind is saturated with what God has to say.

Next Post in this Series: Counseling and the Question of Surgery – Coming Soon!
Or Start at the beginning: Having Cancer as a Christian

Previous Post in this Series: My First Surgery
Or Start at the beginning: Having Cancer as a Christian

The week after my surgery I was scheduled to be admitted to the hospital for a week to start chemotherapy and radiation. The reason for the hospitalization was the daily duration of the chemo. I was to receive 5FU chemo for 16 hours a day for the first five days, have a day off, then on the last day I would get Cisplatin for 8 hours. The infusion center at the cancer center I was going to was only open regular business hours so they could not accommodate me. The other part of it was that they were giving me so much chemo that they wanted to keep their eyes on my.

While that was meant to be comforting, it wasn’t.

Going into the hospital I was scared. Maybe not as much as when I went into surgery, but I was scared. I think we have all heard of the nasty side effects of chemo in which the chief is nausea. I had not been eating very much since my esophagus was now full closed at this time but I still did not relish the idea of being sick.

The night before I went into the hospital my wife was a little scared too. She went on one of the cancer boards and asked for any advise about dealing with chemo and the side effects. Someone came back and told her that if we expected to get sick and have a bad experience then that is what was going to happen. But if we expected the opposite then that is what was going to happen.

When my wife told be about this it reminded me of the scripture “Let it be according to your faith”.

Here is the scripture in context:

27 When Jesus departed from there, two blind men followed Him, crying out and saying, “Son of David, have mercy on us!” 28 And when He had come into the house, the blind men came to Him. And Jesus said to them, “Do you believe that I am able to do this?” They said to Him, “Yes, Lord.” 29 Then He touched their eyes, saying, “According to your faith let it be to you.” 30 And their eyes were opened. - Matthew 9:27-30

In my mind it made sense. If I expected that I was going to get sick and nauseated then that is what was going to happen. But if I believed the opposite, the opposite would happen. In fact it was this hint of light that started to really spark the faith for healing in my body from cancer as well.

Now understand my faith was not in the power of my mind. There are a lot of “mind over body” concepts out there and honestly I believe them to an extent. But for me it was that I had faith in God’s ability to heal me and have dominion over my body. I was yielding to Him and expecting His influence in my body.

That first day as they hooked me up to the chemo bag I was still a little nervous but I expected God to be there with me. He was. I had a good night of sleep and woke up the next morning without any nausea. In fact I went through the whole week without any nausea. I truly felt it was a miracle and even the staff was surprised. I was the exception to the rule thanks to God.

It was during this week that I also started my 6 week regimen of radiation. I really did not know what to expect from the radiation as no one had really sat down to tell me. A few days into it I felt like my skin might be burning a little. I mean why wouldn’t it be, they were basically microwaving me!

I asked the nurse at the radiation center if I should be feeling these side effects and they said no. The looked at the area of my skin that I said I felt the slight burning and they did find something – dry skin. I needed to put some lotion on – not because of the radiation but because of hard water. See the power of the mind/faith works both ways. I ended up having no side effects that week at all from the radiation.

After going through that first week of chemo and radiation my faith began to increase in that I believed that I as going to make it through this. I think part of that came from the fact that we were now in treatment as opposed to testing and planning. Another part of it was the fact that it was not as bad as I thought that it was going to be. The final and most important part was that I had asked God to help me and I had seen Him come through for me.

I wish I could say that I was full of faith from the beginning and that this was just proof of my awesome faith and dedication to God but that is not the case. I was weak, I was scared. They said I was going to make it through this but I did not always believe them. I really believe that it was the support of my wife and all the people that were praying for us. they helped me get to the point that I could start to see the manifestation of their faith and mine.

Next Post in this Series: Treatment – Lots of Radiation – Coming Soon!
Or Start at the beginning: Having Cancer as a Christian

Previous Post in this Series: My First Surgery
Or Start at the beginning: Having Cancer as a Christian

The week after my surgery I was scheduled to be admitted to the hospital for a week to start chemotherapy and radiation. The reason for the hospitalization was the daily duration of the chemo. I was to receive 5FU chemo for 16 hours a day for the first five days, have a day off, then on the last day I would get Cisplatin for 8 hours. The infusion center at the cancer center I was going to was only open regular business hours so they could not accommodate me. The other part of it was that they were giving me so much chemo that they wanted to keep their eyes on my.

While that was meant to be comforting, it wasn’t.

Going into the hospital I was scared. Maybe not as much as when I went into surgery, but I was scared. I think we have all heard of the nasty side effects of chemo in which the chief is nausea. I had not been eating very much since my esophagus was now full closed at this time but I still did not relish the idea of being sick.

The night before I went into the hospital my wife was a little scared too. She went on one of the cancer boards and asked for any advise about dealing with chemo and the side effects. Someone came back and told her that if we expected to get sick and have a bad experience then that is what was going to happen. But if we expected the opposite then that is what was going to happen.

When my wife told be about this it reminded me of the scripture “Let it be according to your faith”.

Here is the scripture in context:

27 When Jesus departed from there, two blind men followed Him, crying out and saying, “Son of David, have mercy on us!” 28 And when He had come into the house, the blind men came to Him. And Jesus said to them, “Do you believe that I am able to do this?” They said to Him, “Yes, Lord.” 29 Then He touched their eyes, saying, “According to your faith let it be to you.” 30 And their eyes were opened. - Matthew 9:27-30

In my mind it made sense. If I expected that I was going to get sick and nauseated then that is what was going to happen. But if I believed the opposite, the opposite would happen. In fact it was this hint of light that started to really spark the faith for healing in my body from cancer as well.

Now understand my faith was not in the power of my mind. There are a lot of “mind over body” concepts out there and honestly I believe them to an extent. But for me it was that I had faith in God’s ability to heal me and have dominion over my body. I was yielding to Him and expecting His influence in my body.

That first day as they hooked me up to the chemo bag I was still a little nervous but I expected God to be there with me. He was. I had a good night of sleep and woke up the next morning without any nausea. In fact I went through the whole week without any nausea. I truly felt it was a miracle and even the staff was surprised. I was the exception to the rule thanks to God.

It was during this week that I also started my 6 week regimen of radiation. I really did not know what to expect from the radiation as no one had really sat down to tell me. A few days into it I felt like my skin might be burning a little. I mean why wouldn’t it be, they were basically microwaving me!

I asked the nurse at the radiation center if I should be feeling these side effects and they said no. The looked at the area of my skin that I said I felt the slight burning and they did find something – dry skin. I needed to put some lotion on – not because of the radiation but because of hard water. See the power of the mind/faith works both ways. I ended up having no side effects that week at all from the radiation.

After going through that first week of chemo and radiation my faith began to increase in that I believed that I as going to make it through this. I think part of that came from the fact that we were now in treatment as opposed to testing and planning. Another part of it was the fact that it was not as bad as I thought that it was going to be. The final and most important part was that I had asked God to help me and I had seen Him come through for me.

I wish I could say that I was full of faith from the beginning and that this was just proof of my awesome faith and dedication to God but that is not the case. I was weak, I was scared. They said I was going to make it through this but I did not always believe them. I really believe that it was the support of my wife and all the people that were praying for us. they helped me get to the point that I could start to see the manifestation of their faith and mine.

Next Post in this Series: Treatment – Lots of Radiation – Coming Soon!
Or Start at the beginning: Having Cancer as a Christian

Previous Post in this Series: The Treatment Plan
Or Start at the beginning: Having Cancer as a Christian

This is where it all got real. I was wheeled into an operating room, a place I had never been before and hoped that I’d never go.

I was scared.

Surgery meant that this cancer thing was real and when I woke up that I would have things in my body that were not there before. These things were meant to help me but at the time I did not see it that way.

The surgery was to implant a mediport and a feeding tube. The mediport was what they would use to give me chemo. The feeding tube was so that I could eat since the chemo and radiation would probably make it even harder to do.

Did I mention I was scared?

I was terrified. I am not trying to be too dramatic but this was a huge deal to me.

This was absolutely huge.

I was in that hospital bed being wheeled into the operating room but everything in me wanted to get up, rip the IV out of my arm, and run without looking back. I have no idea why the thought of surgery scared my so much but it did.

Thank God for anesthesia because the knocked me out just as I got into the room for the procedure.

When I Woke Up

The surgery went without a hitch and I actually felt pretty good that day. They gave me some pain medication and that helped. I felt so good the next morning I actually did laundry. Unfortunately the good feeling did not last as later that day I started to wean myself off the pain meds and began to feel the reality of the surgery.

I wasn’t able to lay down flat on my back due to combination of the locations of the feeding tube and the mediport. This lasted a few days and then I was finally able to sleep better. The combination of the pain meds and lack of sleep made that a pretty difficult week.

God and I Have a Talk

During this time I tried listening to a lot of preaching messages since my body and my spirit were not doing so well.

Up until this time I had not really spent quality time with God to address how I felt about the cancer situation and to get His perspective. I wasn’t running from him or giving Him the cold shoulder but I wasn’t engaging with Him either.

That all changed after “The Message”.

The message was from Pastor Peter Haas of Substance Church in Roseville, MN. I had listened to him on a pretty regular basis since he had spoke once at our church. He is a young guy and I always felt that I connected with his messages.

This particular message was called Mourning into Dancing.

The message was more of a testimony then anything given by his mother-in-law. In that message she shared her story of her husband’s battle with depression, eventual suicide, and how God helped her through it. It is a very emotional message as you can imagine.

The message can be listened to and downloaded here:

Mourning into Dancing – Peter Haas – Substance Church

The part that spoke to me the most is the part where she described how she was angry at God but felt bad about being angry at Him. After a while she expressed this to God and felt like He told her that her anger could not hurt Him. He was bigger then her anger.

See, I was mad at God.

How could He allow this to happen to me? Why didn’t He protect me? Didn’t He Love me?

All these things had been inside of me since the day I was told I had cancer. I was angry but I did not know how to interact with God about it. This message helped me to do it.

I sat there that day in my bed angry, in pain, and in tears telling God exactly how I felt about Him, my life, and the cancer. I cried. I wept.

“Why won’t You heal me? You are able. You are all-powerful. I am a dad and I would never allow my son to go through this if I had the power to heal him.” I told God.

I felt God say “I will heal you through the doctor”.

That was not good enough for me.

“Why would You want me to go through this terrible man-made treatment when You could just say a word and I would be healed.” I asked.

“Because when I heal you I don’t just want to heal your body, I want to heal your heart and soul as well” I felt God say.

I stopped. This meant something to me as my mind went to the past when I was in a men’s Christian rehab home. I had gone to the home after getting in trouble and had nowhere else to go. While I was in there I saw guys come, go, and then come back again, sometimes multiple times. Each time they came back they were ten times worse then they were before.

After seeing this time and time again I made a pledge to God. I promised that I would stay there as long as I needed so I could learn what I needed so I would never have to come back again. I stayed there 6 months. That was 15 years ago and I have never been back. I learned the lesson that God had for me there.

There were lessons to be learned in this situation.

The only way I was going to learn those lessons and not find myself in this place again was to go through this treatment the way that God wanted me to. No shortcuts, no skipping steps. Every doctor’s visit, every treatment, every procedure was there for a reason.

I told God I would do things His way because I knew that when I was done I would not need to go through this again. I was OK with that, I was good.

Disclaimer

Now I want to be clear about something. I am in no way saying that God brought this situation into my life so that He could teach me a lesson. He only brings good things into a person’s life as the bible says:

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning. – James 1:17

and

Jesus went about all Galilee, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the gospel of the kingdom, and healing all kinds of sickness and all kinds of disease among the people. – Matthew 4:23

God is a God of healing, not of sickness and disease.

He does help to turn those things that have happened to us into good things if we let Him.

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. – Romans 8:28

I believe that God did not create this situation in my life but He did take advantage of it to bring my out better then I was before.

Next Post in this Series: Treatment – The First Week – Coming Soon!
Or Start at the beginning: Having Cancer as a Christian

Previous Post in this Series: The Treatment Plan
Or Start at the beginning: Having Cancer as a Christian

This is where it all got real. I was wheeled into an operating room, a place I had never been before and hoped that I’d never go.

I was scared.

Surgery meant that this cancer thing was real and when I woke up that I would have things in my body that were not there before. These things were meant to help me but at the time I did not see it that way.

The surgery was to implant a mediport and a feeding tube. The mediport was what they would use to give me chemo. The feeding tube was so that I could eat since the chemo and radiation would probably make it even harder to do.

Did I mention I was scared?

I was terrified. I am not trying to be too dramatic but this was a huge deal to me.

This was absolutely huge.

I was in that hospital bed being wheeled into the operating room but everything in me wanted to get up, rip the IV out of my arm, and run without looking back. I have no idea why the thought of surgery scared my so much but it did.

Thank God for anesthesia because the knocked me out just as I got into the room for the procedure.

When I Woke Up

The surgery went without a hitch and I actually felt pretty good that day. They gave me some pain medication and that helped. I felt so good the next morning I actually did laundry. Unfortunately the good feeling did not last as later that day I started to wean myself off the pain meds and began to feel the reality of the surgery.

I wasn’t able to lay down flat on my back due to combination of the locations of the feeding tube and the mediport. This lasted a few days and then I was finally able to sleep better. The combination of the pain meds and lack of sleep made that a pretty difficult week.

God and I Have a Talk

During this time I tried listening to a lot of preaching messages since my body and my spirit were not doing so well.

Up until this time I had not really spent quality time with God to address how I felt about the cancer situation and to get His perspective. I wasn’t running from him or giving Him the cold shoulder but I wasn’t engaging with Him either.

That all changed after “The Message”.

The message was from Pastor Peter Haas of Substance Church in Roseville, MN. I had listened to him on a pretty regular basis since he had spoke once at our church. He is a young guy and I always felt that I connected with his messages.

This particular message was called Mourning into Dancing.

The message was more of a testimony then anything given by his mother-in-law. In that message she shared her story of her husband’s battle with depression, eventual suicide, and how God helped her through it. It is a very emotional message as you can imagine.

The message can be listened to and downloaded here:

Mourning into Dancing – Peter Haas – Substance Church

The part that spoke to me the most is the part where she described how she was angry at God but felt bad about being angry at Him. After a while she expressed this to God and felt like He told her that her anger could not hurt Him. He was bigger then her anger.

See, I was mad at God.

How could He allow this to happen to me? Why didn’t He protect me? Didn’t He Love me?

All these things had been inside of me since the day I was told I had cancer. I was angry but I did not know how to interact with God about it. This message helped me to do it.

I sat there that day in my bed angry, in pain, and in tears telling God exactly how I felt about Him, my life, and the cancer. I cried. I wept.

“Why won’t You heal me? You are able. You are all-powerful. I am a dad and I would never allow my son to go through this if I had the power to heal him.” I told God.

I felt God say “I will heal you through the doctor”.

That was not good enough for me.

“Why would You want me to go through this terrible man-made treatment when You could just say a word and I would be healed.” I asked.

“Because when I heal you I don’t just want to heal your body, I want to heal your heart and soul as well” I felt God say.

I stopped. This meant something to me as my mind went to the past when I was in a men’s Christian rehab home. I had gone to the home after getting in trouble and had nowhere else to go. While I was in there I saw guys come, go, and then come back again, sometimes multiple times. Each time they came back they were ten times worse then they were before.

After seeing this time and time again I made a pledge to God. I promised that I would stay there as long as I needed so I could learn what I needed so I would never have to come back again. I stayed there 6 months. That was 15 years ago and I have never been back. I learned the lesson that God had for me there.

There were lessons to be learned in this situation.

The only way I was going to learn those lessons and not find myself in this place again was to go through this treatment the way that God wanted me to. No shortcuts, no skipping steps. Every doctor’s visit, every treatment, every procedure was there for a reason.

I told God I would do things His way because I knew that when I was done I would not need to go through this again. I was OK with that, I was good.

Disclaimer

Now I want to be clear about something. I am in no way saying that God brought this situation into my life so that He could teach me a lesson. He only brings good things into a person’s life as the bible says:

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning. – James 1:17

and

Jesus went about all Galilee, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the gospel of the kingdom, and healing all kinds of sickness and all kinds of disease among the people. – Matthew 4:23

God is a God of healing, not of sickness and disease.

He does help to turn those things that have happened to us into good things if we let Him.

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. – Romans 8:28

I believe that God did not create this situation in my life but He did take advantage of it to bring my out better then I was before.

Next Post in this Series: Treatment – The First Week – Coming Soon!
Or Start at the beginning: Having Cancer as a Christian

I had my EDG on Friday to visually inspect my esophagus to see how the treatment did in killing off the cancer. The doctors said that it looked as though I had never had cancer which is very good news. He did take a biopsy since he likes to be cautious but he does not expect to find anything.

So what does this mean for me?

This means that I am done with treatment for cancer. Yeah!

It also means that I do not have the weekly doctor’s appointments that I had before. In fact I do not have an appointment with my oncologist until April. He doesn’t want to see me anymore which is cool. I am assuming the April appointment will be to discuss my follow up plan. I know getting a PET/CT scan and EDG every 3-6 months is pretty standard for the first year so I am sure he will recommend something like that.

Other then that I am doctor free from here on out. Groovy.

What about work?

Good question.

I feel better but I feel like I need to have a couple of months where I do feel well before making a commitment to show up to work everyday. I want to make sure that I am done with the doctors completely and that I have the stamina to show up every day.

The other issue that affects work is health insurance. Currently there may be an issue with returning to work and the health insurance from a company not covering my cancer follow up. The reason for this would be that it is now considered a pre existing condition. I really cannot go without my follow up being covered so we are looking into that.

So how do you feel?

I feel great. 

I am eating well (maybe a little too well now), sleeping well, and have pretty normal energy. As far as I can tell I am back to normal if not a little better. It is hard to believe that it was just 5 months ago that I was diagnosed.

It has been a journey and I am really happy to be at the end of it. I am happy to say that cancer is not the death sentence that I thought it was 5 months ago. Cancer is treatable and you can return to normal life. It may be scary along the way, but you can make it through.

I am so thankful to be sitting here writing that.

Related posts:

1. The Day I Have Been Waiting For I mentioned earlier in the week that I got the…
2. I’ve Left My Job in the Name of Treatment The last 24hrs have been a whirlwind of information, decisions,…
3. The Next Steps – Where Do We Go From Here? As mentioned on my Twitter updates last week we…

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Previous Post in this Series: Another Battle – No Health Insurance
Or Start at the beginning: Having Cancer as a Christian

So here I was. Newly diagnosed with cancer, no health insurance, and only 3 weeks into my new job.

The Job

The first thing that needed to happen was that I needed to let my boss know that I had cancer. He was very sympathetic and offered to do anything that was possible through the company. He even looked into health insurance for me but there was just no way to get it enacted to where it would cover the cancer (the cancer was now a preexisting condition). I told him that I would have several doctor’s appointments over the next few weeks and some sort of treatment and he asked that I would just keep him and the rest of our team informed.

The Charity Program

The second item on the list was to go to the cancer center that we had been referred to in order to apply for their charity program since we did not have insurance. Basically we listed all of our assets and they would tell us at what level of charity that we qualified for if any. Thankfully we did qualify for charity even though I was working at the time. I am very thankful that they took us when no one else would.

The PET/CT Scan

The next item was to meet the new doctor and figure out what treatment I needed. The first visit was the worst. I mean I knew I had cancer but being in that little room with him talking about the general procedure just made it all the more real. Basically there would be some sort of chemotherapy and possibly radiation with surgery at the end. Before we could narrow down exactly what I needed he needed to stage the cancer via a PET/CT scan. He must of seen the look of shock and dispare on my face because at the end of his explanation he reached out to me and said “Hey, don’t worry, this is just a bump in the road.” It felt more like a pot hole as opposed to a bump at the time but I appreciated the jesture.

So now I needed a PET/CT scan. The PET/CT scan would measure the activity of the cancer in my body and show if it had spread. The only problem was that the cancer facility that I was now with did not have a PET/CT machine and referred me to another medical facility to get it done. Unfortunately this other facility was not apart of the same medical group and so the charity program did not cover the scan. After talking with the folks there we found out that the scan would cost us $7,000 and that at least 20% of that would need to be paid up front. They did offer the scan at $4,000 if we wanted to pay the whole amount up front.

At this time I had only been working for around 4 weeks and so we did not have $1,400 or let alone $4,000 sitting around. After trying to figure out what to do we sold our van for $4,000 and paid for the scan up front. Just another bump in the road.

The Treatment Plan is Laid Out

A few days after the PET/CT scan we met back with the doctor and he gave us the results. The cancer had not spread to anywhere else. This was good news.

The plan was to hit the cancer hard with 6 weeks of radiation 5 days a week. I would also receive chemotherapy for 6 days the first and last week of the radiation. I would need to be in the hospital for the rounds of chemo because they would be given to me 16 hours a day for 5 days and 8 hours the last day. After that we would do surgery to remove the part of the esophagus and part of the stomach that had the cancer. The radiation and chemo would shrink the tumor so that they would not have to remove any more then necessary. The plan was that I would start treatment in the next couple of weeks.

Before I started treatment though I would need to have a couple of things done. Mainly I needed to have a mediport and a feeding tube put in. The mediport was so the chemo could be administered and the feeding tube was so that I could eat while going through chemo and radiation. As if I wasn’t scared of the cancer enough the sound of both of these things completely freaked me out.

God Where Are You?

Looking back at this period time this was one of the most difficult. It was filled with doctor’s appointments that seemed to get worse and worse every time we went. I had never had anything physically wrong with me ever before. Now I have a deadly disease and was going to have tubes put in me, terrible medicines, radiation, and also a major surgery. I was in utter shock.

It was around this time that we started to reach out to folks that we new were christians to pray for us. I remember feeling so weak, so overwhelmed at this time, that I felt that I could not continue on by myself. We emailed and called everyone we knew from every church that we had been apart of. Everyone was so gracious in their responses and it helped to know that others were standing with us. I really believe it was the prayers of others that really helped us early in this journey and helped us make it through.

God was there. Heaven was bombarded with prayers on our behalf. Every time we came from the doctor we were sad and depressed. We would take the rest of the day to process what was said and attempt to look on the bright side. I believe we were able to see the bright side because of people’s prayers and God helping us to look at things from His perspective. As big and scary as the treatment plan was, God was bigger.

Next Post in this Series: My First Surgery
Or Start at the beginning: Having Cancer as a Christian

Previous Post in this Series: Another Battle – No Health Insurance
Or Start at the beginning: Having Cancer as a Christian

So here I was. Newly diagnosed with cancer, no health insurance, and only 3 weeks into my new job.

The Job

The first thing that needed to happen was that I needed to let my boss know that I had cancer. He was very sympathetic and offered to do anything that was possible through the company. He even looked into health insurance for me but there was just no way to get it enacted to where it would cover the cancer (the cancer was now a preexisting condition). I told him that I would have several doctor’s appointments over the next few weeks and some sort of treatment and he asked that I would just keep him and the rest of our team informed.

The Charity Program

The second item on the list was to go to the cancer center that we had been referred to in order to apply for their charity program since we did not have insurance. Basically we listed all of our assets and they would tell us at what level of charity that we qualified for if any. Thankfully we did qualify for charity even though I was working at the time. I am very thankful that they took us when no one else would.

The PET/CT Scan

The next item was to meet the new doctor and figure out what treatment I needed. The first visit was the worst. I mean I knew I had cancer but being in that little room with him talking about the general procedure just made it all the more real. Basically there would be some sort of chemotherapy and possibly radiation with surgery at the end. Before we could narrow down exactly what I needed he needed to stage the cancer via a PET/CT scan. He must of seen the look of shock and dispare on my face because at the end of his explanation he reached out to me and said “Hey, don’t worry, this is just a bump in the road.” It felt more like a pot hole as opposed to a bump at the time but I appreciated the jesture.

So now I needed a PET/CT scan. The PET/CT scan would measure the activity of the cancer in my body and show if it had spread. The only problem was that the cancer facility that I was now with did not have a PET/CT machine and referred me to another medical facility to get it done. Unfortunately this other facility was not apart of the same medical group and so the charity program did not cover the scan. After talking with the folks there we found out that the scan would cost us $7,000 and that at least 20% of that would need to be paid up front. They did offer the scan at $4,000 if we wanted to pay the whole amount up front.

At this time I had only been working for around 4 weeks and so we did not have $1,400 or let alone $4,000 sitting around. After trying to figure out what to do we sold our van for $4,000 and paid for the scan up front. Just another bump in the road.

The Treatment Plan is Laid Out

A few days after the PET/CT scan we met back with the doctor and he gave us the results. The cancer had not spread to anywhere else. This was good news.

The plan was to hit the cancer hard with 6 weeks of radiation 5 days a week. I would also receive chemotherapy for 6 days the first and last week of the radiation. I would need to be in the hospital for the rounds of chemo because they would be given to me 16 hours a day for 5 days and 8 hours the last day. After that we would do surgery to remove the part of the esophagus and part of the stomach that had the cancer. The radiation and chemo would shrink the tumor so that they would not have to remove any more then necessary. The plan was that I would start treatment in the next couple of weeks.

Before I started treatment though I would need to have a couple of things done. Mainly I needed to have a mediport and a feeding tube put in. The mediport was so the chemo could be administered and the feeding tube was so that I could eat while going through chemo and radiation. As if I wasn’t scared of the cancer enough the sound of both of these things completely freaked me out.

God Where Are You?

Looking back at this period time this was one of the most difficult. It was filled with doctor’s appointments that seemed to get worse and worse every time we went. I had never had anything physically wrong with me ever before. Now I have a deadly disease and was going to have tubes put in me, terrible medicines, radiation, and also a major surgery. I was in utter shock.

It was around this time that we started to reach out to folks that we new were christians to pray for us. I remember feeling so weak, so overwhelmed at this time, that I felt that I could not continue on by myself. We emailed and called everyone we knew from every church that we had been apart of. Everyone was so gracious in their responses and it helped to know that others were standing with us. I really believe it was the prayers of others that really helped us early in this journey and helped us make it through.

God was there. Heaven was bombarded with prayers on our behalf. Every time we came from the doctor we were sad and depressed. We would take the rest of the day to process what was said and attempt to look on the bright side. I believe we were able to see the bright side because of people’s prayers and God helping us to look at things from His perspective. As big and scary as the treatment plan was, God was bigger.

Next Post in this Series: My First Surgery
Or Start at the beginning: Having Cancer as a Christian

So my quest to get my weight up to 150 has been more successful then I had anticipated.

I went to the doctor yesterday and weighed in at 154lbs. I weighed 144lbs about a month ago. My ideal weight is supposed to be in the 150-160 range.

This means that I need to enter the “Maintain Mode” as opposed to the “Gain Mode”. I guess that means no more chocolate doughnuts and possibly a little exercise. Oh the horror!

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I mentioned earlier in the week that I got the results back from my PET/CT scan and they looked good – no cancer activity. We were happy about that and still are. Today though a couple of things happened that have pushed us over the edge to extremely happy.

It all started when I went to the doctor to have my blood drawn to check my hemoglobins for my anemia. After they drew my blood they had me wait for the results. The results came back at 11.7 which was up from 10.3. At first I was actually disappointed with the results until I realized that I have more energy at 11.7 then I have had in years. Also, I remember during one of my stays in the hospital that my level got above 12 but I did not have this kid of energy. I can only imagine how I will feel when my level is up to 16 where it should be.

What this tells me is that there are some things that are no longer going on in my body. Those things are the side effects from chemo, radiation, and namely cancer. I have turned the corner on all of these things. It has been a long time in coming .

The other thing that gave me an ah-ha moment is when I was leaving. I checked with the scheduler as to if I had an appointment to go over the scope that I am having next week. The scheduler said no and the nurse that was standing there said no, you will get the results the day of the procedure from that doctor, the oncologist does not need to meet with me.

I then asked the scheduler if I had any appointments in regard to the cancer at all. She told me that I just have a standard follow up appointment in April. That’s it, a follow up appointment. Not a “test this” appointment, or results appointment, or a treatment appointment. It’s a “how are you doing” appointment. Awesome.

The reason that these two things are so significant to me is that I am so used to going to appointments, taking treatment, taking tests, and waiting for results. Now that I don’t have to do all that stuff it means one thing -

I am done with cancer!

I am just in shock. It is not that I never thought this day would come but I guess I just really didn’t think about it. Now all of a sudden Boom! It’s there. It is so crazy. Literally I don’t know what to do with myself.

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